I’m sitting at the bar counter in our kitchen while my husband is baking peanut butter cookies {If he wants cookies that bad, he’ll just bake ’em himself at 9pm. I know what you are thinking, but no, he’s not high – at least I don’t think he is}.
I lean over the counter and with a crooked smile I say:
“Hey babe… think Jeff Foxworthys’ ‘you know you’re a redneck when’ but make it ‘you know you’re a square when’ instead.”
He looks up from the hot oven with an “I am trying to process what you just said in warp speed” look.
“What would be your ‘when’ for the point you’d reach knowing you MUST truly be a square?”
He pushes out his words slowly and says with a hand motion that goes up and down…
“Uhhhh. When…… you didn’t have any oats……. to add to your peanut butter cookies…. soooo you took your wifes expensive Special K Oatmeal annndd….” I quickly interrupted….
“No. That’s retarded. That’s not ‘Square’… I think you are missing the point of what a ‘Square’ is…”
I say in an hypocritical way, as if I knew exactly what it meant, but truthfully I was full of shit.
{Diiinnng}
He pulls out a batch of his freshly baked cookies. Annnd he goes into his happy moment of having cookies and milk, meaning that this conversation is over for him.
But I just couldn’t shake it, it got me thinking more into what the definition would be and how if you were a “Square” there would be certain things you would do, say, think, act for someone to rightly call you “Square”. Right? What THE FUCK does that even mean? What does being called “A Square” supposed to imply? Do I even know what “A Square” is? Is it a positive? A negative? doh!
I bet you are scratching your head right now like me, but if not, you have yourself been accused of acting so parallel or you have had the pleasure of being kicked out of a Jazz Night Club for doing a four-beat rhythm with conductors hands in the ’40’s, ’50;s or even the ’60’s {It’s true, look it up, the internet doesn’t lie people.. hehe}
I needed more info, and STAT! I found myself in a sea of online Q&A’s with people from all over the world pondering what it means to be called “A Square”. My findings were fascinating, to say the least:
“…It kinda means bland, vanilla, or whatever else you might say about someone who isn’t on top of the popular trends, fashions, music, fads, and everything else people think is cool. It means out-of-fashion, uncool, dorky, etc.
In the 1950s the “rebellious” kids would tease the “straight-laced” kids about being square. Square kids were kinda traditional, not rebellious, played by the rules, dressed in a way that their parents approved of, studied hard and cared about school, respected their parents, were polite, didn’t act out, etc… The rebellious kids drank, smoked, had sex, swore, skipped school, stayed out late, lied to their parents, you get the picture…”
-Yahoo’s “Best Answer”
Do I get the picture?
Okay. FIRST off, why is she associating bland with vanilla? If you knew anything about vanilla it should be that it’s soooo not “bland”. Or, perhaps maybe you’re just used to imitation, fake vanilla…? That could totally be why. {insert hair flip and eye-roll where you see fitting}
EVERYBODY knows it’s never safe to get just one opinion on certain subjects and this is one of them. So I continued to search for the definition of being a square.
“…a ‘square’ referred to someone who clung to repressive, traditional, stereotypical, one-sided,
or “in the box“ ways of thinking.”
“…’All the squares go home!’ If the counterculture was a shift from conservatism to liberalism,
then square was what liberal people called conservative people and things.”
“Obie Trice in Adrenaline Rush: ‘You L7 like a square be’ (sic)”
– Wikipedia{BTW – thanks to Wikipedia for teaching me that L7 is a derivative term for square. It’s easy, just take your left thumb and make an “L” shape with your hand, then make a “7” shape with your right hand. Put them together and WHHHAAAAA LA! Thank you L7 for allowing me to come up with my own gang sign for all “Squares” alike from around the world – Whatttt what!!!!!!!!! L7 fo life yo!}
wrong April, that looks like a rectangle – waayyyy different meaning… “But all rectangles arrrre squares moron”
Ah! There we are! Whaaat what!!!
√√ YOU MIGHT BE “A SQUARE” IF OR WHEN √√
- You’d rather eat at Jack IN the box rather than Taco Bell {because that would be thinking “outside the box”}
- You’d pay for the cow BEFORE you drink the milk
- Your dream of becoming a TV star comes true when you are picked to play “The Hollywood Squares” game
- You chose not to “be there” – thus making you a Square. {Be there or be square}
- You are yellow, spongy and only wear pants
- You think that “Twerking” is a new app for your phone
- You notice that people are trying to find the “area” of you
- You’ve never woken up in your own vomit
- You’ve never eagerly awaited for the local garbage truck driver to show up with his 6-pack abs, shirt off and a “howzzzit” at 11:30am every Wednesday {the best part of hump day hands down!
What is your YOU MIGHT BE A SQUARE IF/WHEN? Comment below and tell me about it! I’ll feature your answer on my list and site!
Fuck it, lets dance
Every Day In April 
You said it!