It’s bound to happen if you are a stay-at-home mom. You know, the weeks where nothing seems to go right. The baby screams bloody murder at everything, even when he’s happy; you find another pee soaked diaper hidden under your 6 year old’s bed {he apparently thinks is funny to see the smoke come from my ears}; you’re on your 1 billionth load of washing the same. damn. clothes. Or, how about standing in line at the DMV for almost an hour with your 2 yr old and come to find out that you have the WRONG car registration with you. Annnnd the kind of week that “if those neighbors don’t stop GRINDING WHATEVER IT IS THAT THEY GRIND 24/ FUCKING 7 I’M GOING DOWN THERE and it won’t be pretty!”. The kind of “Mom’s gonna lose it” and “OHHH LORD HELP ME NOT SLAP THE SHIT OUT OF SOMEONE!” weeks. Even the most hippie, calm-on-marijuana and God-like-holy person has had at least one of those weeks, I don’t care who you are. Be real. I seem to have those kinds of weeks more often than not now that my youngest is knee-deep into his terrible 2’s and my oldest seems to know it all.
One thing that can help a stay-at-home mom and maintain a sane attitude is to be apart of a mom’s group. A group where you can be surrounded by other mom’s who are going through the same things as you. A group to make you feel that you are obviously not alone. Other mom’s who turn up the car radio just to drown out the crying. Other mom’s who aren’t afraid to interrupt an adult conversation by shouting “Son! That’s your 2nd strike! Stop peeing down the slide annnnnd don’t let me see you looking up that girls dress anymore!!” across the park. Other mom’s whose vocabulary consists of small, easy to understand, words. Especially after a long night of being woken up every 10 minutes because your child confused his sock with a snake and is now terrified it will come to life {even after telling him a gazillion times that there are NO snakes in Hawaii}. Basically, other human beings {who hopefully have vagina’s} who you can just be yourself with and not feel judged when your kid is eating Nutella sandwiches for breakfast. Other mom’s should understand… I say SHOULD with a higher tone of voice and my head tilted to the right – because quite frankly most of them arrrrre judging you. Sorry to break it to you. There’s no group of mom’s that are the exact same, we all have our different battles, and most of them will smile to your face then knock your parenting skills behind your back. But, if you dig through all the bullshit you are bound to find that special one that is truly worthy of all your shenanigans and insomniac random Snapchats at 1am. Yes! It’s TRUE!!! She DOES exist. I promise.
A good mom friend is one who makes your subconscious become reality. It’s like a bunch of girls randomly having their monthly cycles together, it’s a match made in Heaven. errrrrrr…. well sort of. A good friend will never question why you want to drink Tequila at 2:30 in the afternoon on a Tuesday. She wouldn’t have to question you because she would be thinking the exact same thing, straight-up! Sometimes you just have things that happen during the week {even if it is only Tuesday} that make you want to drown in a huge margarita glass
{no salt on the rim please, makes it harder to chug}, things like the mentioned above…
…Or if you’re like me, your friend spilled a whole gallon of paint on her carpet and you didn’t hesitate when she distressfully asked if it was too early for a margarita and if I wanted one. “Ugh, ‘No’ to the first question and I’m sure the second was a statement and NOT soooo much a question, right?” – Sure!!! I’ll be a supportive friend!!! I’m reallllly good at that! {wink, wink}
“Well, April, you could have been supportive by helping her clean up the mess … instead of just drinking all of her Kirkland sized bottle of Tequila”
“Oh you’re sooo pretty!!! I’m afraid we can’t be friends”….
CRAIGSLIST AD:
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ATTENTION!!!
CALLING ALL MOM’s!
YOU…
YES. YOU!
Tired of spending all day in the hot sun at a park that smells of homeless urine eagerly awaiting the day that you will find a good mommy friend to ride this crazy mommy ride with you?
Tired of trying to go out of your way to be nice to someone just to spend your nights/days drinking alone?
Do you just need to “not care” for a minute?
JOIN US FOR A
TEQUILA TUESDAY PLAY DATE
Where: We shall rotate houses when we can, but preferably yours.
When: Tuesdays @ 2:30 PM.
What to bring: Tequila & a good sense of humor {you could require an extra change of underwear} – oh and your kids {ugh they are always tagging along!} annnd probably a DD, preferably a husband or friend who will come pick up your sugared-crazed children at a later point.
What NOT to bring:
- Food – we drink our calories and we just let the children raid the pantry, so please make sure if it’s your turn to host that you have everything processed and drenched in high fructose corn syrup, stocked up and easily accessible on the lower shelf for an easy reach for the monsters in training pants.
- Your husbands/boyfriends – this is for vagina’s only. Unless your husband is willing to go to store for more margarita mix when we run out, or take the kids, he should stay away – I insist.
- Your “Debbie Downer” pants. unless you just need to vent in-between shaking and pouring.
- Your sense of time – time truly does just “fly by” and Tequila Tuesday Play dates has been known to make the hours between 3PM and 10PM just disappear.
Please email the leader of the group: “The Square” at tequilatuesdayplaydate@mommysgonecrazyforreal.doh! for more info! Or, the next time you’re hoping that your baby doesn’t poop in the public pool {not again!} take a look around and you just might find another mom feeling the same way! The perfect friend to share in your Tequila Tuesday Play date!
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Thus the birth of “Tequila Tuesday Play dates” – annnd the demise of “Tequila Tuesday Play dates”. But, while it was short-lived {okay, we only made it through one play date before we canceled them} – it was totally worth throwing up in my bed the next morning and the week hangover.
Side note: I am truly sorry to the mommy who wrote this. Maybe she found the Craigslist Ad and you didn’t?
Every Day In April 
You said it!