Social media is gay

3 May

So a good friend and I were texting back and forth this morning. We were talking about the only thing that seems to be interesting enough to take your time away from what you are supposed to be doing instead – gossip and relationships.

It has come to my attention that social media is gay and has definitely changed so much about how we communicate – even if we don’t want to hear about what you had for dinner, you will tell us anyway. You share that you are slightly gassy and that you will regret eating that cheese plate later but you don’t care because you will be alone tonight {oh so GLAM}, among other TMI things. In fact, you might even post about this blog… I’ll just wait here while you go post it up on your “facebook”/”twitter”/”instagram”/”the government knows when I take a shit”, account….

Shit like that should be kept confident, or at least in a private #anyman group or a blog which no one really reads {check} – even I have standards people.

Okay so, back to my conversation I was having with my friend. This is an actual conversation that I had with my friend, not like many other conversations that I mistake having with other people, but in fact, they were only with my alias, aka – myself. Shit gets complicated sometimes… I shall start towards the end, the good part, obviously.

Me: “They’re damn fools, you said it right.”

Friend: “Aye Carumba!” {i couldn’t believe she actually spelled it out, it’s one of those words that just shouldn’t be spelled, but said, ya know like “supercalafragalistic…..” ugh you get it}All this drama makes me real grateful that I am boring and no one cares about what I do enough to take to social media about it. ha ha ha yeah! Three cheers to getting old and not being a hipster! AND saying ‘Jew’ if I damn well please” {that’s so jewish of her} “And eating carne asada fries….”

{yes, cheers to us, jewish crackers who have a slight obsession for driving to Jilbertos at 2am for Carne Asada fries. Must. Have.}

Me: “Oh man, I just spit my coffee out. hahaha. No one wants to air my dirty laundry out on social media either, are we really that boring?!” {besides myself, yes, I tell on myself all the time, but I guess it’s not social media crack… oh well, thank you blog} “What the hell, I think I might three cheers to not being a hipster”

Jewish Cracker Friend: “Or trendy, vegan, hippie, opposed to non-natural deodorant, politically correct, ethnically sensitive, or scared to say the word ‘gay’ in Hillcrest. Oh and just generally not giving a fuck so long as I make myself laugh. {cheers to that} But, really… why can’t you say the word ‘gay’ in Hillcrest??”

Not scared to say the word ‘gay’ in Hillcrest me: “Who the fuck knows! Aren’t they a gay community? Do they all of a sudden think that the word ‘gay’ is offensive? Is “Hillcrest” so gay that everyone should just know that they are gay therefore no reason to say ‘gay’ and if you do you obviously don’t like the ‘gays’? Ah shit, should we ask someone who is gay?”

Cracker Friend: “Well if we ask someone who is gay then they would obviously need to live in Hillcrest to properly answer our question.”

Questioning the gays me: “Well what if we ask someone in Hillcrest about this ‘don’t say gay’ question we have, will we be able to actually say the word ‘gay’ or will be offending them just by asking and saying the word gay?”

Don’t give a fuck friend: “Well fuck, yes, we should say the word ‘gay’. They can’t get offended if we are just referencing the ‘gay’ word to the gay word in a gay community.”

Ugh me: “Oh okay, well the next time we are in Hillcrest, we shall ask a gay person and tell them before hand that we are merely using the word gay as a reference to our gay question and to not get mad at us for using the word ‘gay’, if in fact, they are offended by us using and saying the word gay.”

Jewish white girl: “That is so gay.”

Gay me: ” I know right….”

Yes, I know what you are thinking but this is the type of conversations I have with my friends all the time, if I can remember them. You don’t have good girlfriends unless you can call each other “jewish crackers” and it’s totally normal shit talking fun, some may even call it love. Annnd to make myself clear, my friend, nor I, are Jewish or gay and that we love all sorts of people, unless you’re a dumbass, that is, frankly, where we draw the line. We say what we think, its diarrhea of the mouth {DOTM} and sometimes we get a few raised eyebrows for it {livin’ the dream}. We can’t help it. You should see us with a few shots of Whiskey… now… “Go sit on Santa’s lap Timmy….” HASH tag #hatersgonnahate  aint that the truth, aint that the TRUTH.

Now, go hashtag #jewishcracker social media commands it!

GAY!

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